How to talk to your spouse about money
Talking to your spouse about money can be very challenging. This is in part because each spouse has a different relationship with money. The value they give to money, how they feel about money, the way they manage money, or their financial upbringing.
Talking to your spouse about money can be very challenging. This is in part because each spouse has a different relationship with money. The value they give to money, how they feel about money, the way they manage money, or their financial upbringing.
Due to these differences, It is no surprise that talking to your spouse about money can awaken feelings of anxiety, fear, resentment, and distrust.
These money talks even though stressful, are necessary for a healthy marriage.
ππ‘π π π«πππ π§ππ°π¬ π’π¬....... Some things can be done to make these conversations less stressful.
In our quest to build a stronger, and more solid financial foundation for our marriage, we realized that 5 things are needed for a couple to talk about money without fighting.
1- Be open and honest with each other. Avoid playing the blame game. It is hard for ANYONE to admit that they are wrong.
βHERE ARE MY STRENGTHS, HERE ARE MY WEAKNESSES. SINCE WE ARE A TEAM, HOW CAN WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER?β
2- Be aware of your emotions, and keep them in check. Taking emotions out of these discussions is a hard task. So talk to your spouse about the feelings you have about your current financial situation and how your feel thinking about the future. Lead the conversation with love, and focus on creating a financial plan to tackle any money problems.
3- Schedule financial discussions and make them fun (why not make it a date night too? ) Try not to talk to your spouse about money when you have had a long tiring day at work, or when emotions are running high. Give your partner an added reason to show up. Make room in your budget for fun activities to keep each other motivated to keep working toward your goals.
4- Be consistent. Be intentional and make these discussions recurring events on your schedule. Block out specific dates in the month and set reminders. Those small consistent changes add up to the big wins.
5- Both parties should be involved. No spouse should dominate the conversation. Be sure to seek each otherβs opinions. Ask open-ended questions that allow your partner to contribute more than a βYes/Noβ to the discussion. If you have a difficult time controlling the conversation, get a timer and take turns talking uninterrupted.
Talking to your spouse about money keeps you accountable to each other. It also facilitates you reaching the financial goals your set for your marriage sooner.
How to stay on track with your financial goals
The decisions we make about our finances are influenced by the things that hold significance in our lives. Our loved ones, our values, our financial objectives, our surroundings, and the community we are a part of all play a role in shaping these decisions. We encountered numerous challenges as we worked to organize our finances.
Our financial decisions are guided by the things that are important to us. The people in our life, the things we value, our financial goals, our environment, and the community we live in are some of those factors. As we struggled with getting our finances in order, we were faced with many challenges. Some of these being dealing with financial requests from family and close friends and the financial commitments from the community in which we lived.
Being able to balance our finances and maintain our relationships is a constant struggle. After a few arguments and some financial setbacks, we realized that we needed to find ways of striking that balance. First, we needed to remind ourselves of why we cared enough to find that place of harmony. That is where setting financial goals plays a huge part in your financial journey. They are a constant reminder of why you are making certain decisions and they help prioritize how your money is being spent.
When external influences like demands from family and friends, or the never-ending community engagements threaten to negatively affect your financial plan, those goals keep you focused.
Other ways to stay focused:
1.Set a monthly budget for giving
STAY ON TRACK
BUDGET
Creating a monthly budget is essential to maintaining your financial stability. Your budget tells your money where to go. Allocating a fixed amount each month for giving, tells you how much you have available to spend on loved ones, family or charity.
When you run out of your βgivingβ fund, find other creative ways to give.
2. Create healthy boundaries with your family and friends
Establishing healthy boundaries earlier on in your relationships makes setting limits and limitations a lot easier. Both parties are able to appreciate and respect boundaries that have always been in existence. Also, your expectations are more likely to be taken into consideration when making financial requests. Teach people how to treat you and they will respect your boundaries.
3.Consider other ways of being helpful
Find other ways to extend help besides monetary compensations. When a loved one reaches out to you and you have exceeded your monthly βgivingβ budget (or they donβt fit into the criteria) you can always extend other ways in which you can help them. For example, offering to babysit or mow the lawn are things that can help a recipient save money. You can also lend emotional support or guidance, dig through your pantry and see what you have that you make use to make a basket for them. Visit with them, lend a listening ear or be supportive.
4.Do not base your relationships on money
Although the gifts and presents augment feelings of love, they cannot replace the affection, connection and sense of longing that we crave from a relationship. Being able to buy kids their favorite toys should not be a substitute for the empty seat at their game, neither should the expensive present replace the calls and regular visits to your loved one. Most often all we want is to feel loved, special and noticed . It is difficult to put a price tag on that.
5.Learn to say βNOβ
Most often, βNOβ does not need to be followed by an explanation. An important part of our financial reset was learning to prioritize our needs. Learning to say βNoβ, to yourself and others will allow you bring your dreams to life. We had to say No to our kids a lot of times during this journey. We still say No to each other because we understand we have goals to achieve.
The quest for financial independence should not alienate you from your loved ones. Both can co-exist. Finding that balance can be challenging but it is possible. Find what works for YOU.